Help for Mom of 11-Year-Old Daughter

A mom on the forum is seeking advice: "My daughter is 11 yrs. old. Her behavior has escalated into something that is beyond control. She has increased her lying, she is stealing from whoever she can. She is a great manipulator, she can put on the act. I have tried numerous strategies to try and get the situations under control. She has ran away, try to blamed another child. Police and everyone was involved in the search. The last stunt was her brother's wallet containing $60.00 and gift cards, she has taken it. She took it. Lied about it... I am at a loss! I don't know what else to do.

Denise's thoughts: She is acting out and needs help, as I am sure you realize. If the counseling she is receiving is not helping, you will want to look at other programs that are available.

I would also take some time to adjust your expectations of her. She is currently not capable of acting in the way you are expecting. If you don't expect that she will tell the truth, you will not get as emotional when she lies and you will be more capable of handling the situation she has put you in. Being capable is what you want to be when using discipline.

Teach the +ve Values to Your Teens

We seem to be too worried about 'the rules' and enforcing them, that as parents we aren't looking at the big picture of our children's lives. It's in the big picture where positive values and morals are seen. It's not whether your teen got an 'A' on his science project, it's if he values what an education is going to do for him. Which is a catch-22, because if he values the education, he'll strive for the 'A'. Learn why it's important to teach values with this article.

Comments:

We seem to be too worried about 'the rules' and enforcing them, that as parents we aren't looking at the big picture of our children's lives. It's in the big picture where positive values and morals are seen. It's not whether your teen got an 'A' on his science project, it's if he values what an education is going to do for him. Which is a catch-22, because if he values the education, he'll strive for the 'A'. Learn why it's important to teach values with this article.

Lower Position in Study By Shining Students

Why Bad Grades Happen to Good Kids: What Parents Need to Know, What Parents Need to Do is an excellent book by Linda and Alvin Silbert for parents of all teens who want to help them achieve their best in school. Perfect for those parents whose teen’s grades may be slipping and you want to see what you can do about it. It is not the first book to grab if your teen is in crisis and failing his/her classes. Although, it would be a recommended read the next time you are not in crisis mode.
Suggestions:

Pros

    * Many well thought out parenting strategies.
    * Places education in the correct perspective.
    * Author’s writing style makes the book an easy read.
    * Book includes real life examples.

Cons

    * Title implies quick fix for troubled teens, not so.

Description

    * The book is written for all age groups, but teens are not just an add-on.
    * The book goes into specific help for meeting your teen’s basic needs that in turn helps with school.
    * Devoted a whole chapter to the trust issue, one that parents and teens really need.

Guide Review - Why Bad Grades Happen to Good Kids
Book Description: This easy-to-read guide will help parents help their children succeed in all stages of their educations. The Silberts work with parents to help figure out and address the root of a child's problems in school, instead of just treating the symptom: the bad grades. The book provides examples and techniques, and contains many real-life anecdotes about the students and parents the Silberts have worked with. The chapters are organized using S+T+R+O+N+G, an acronym that stands for Self-esteem + Trust + Responsibility + Options + Needs + Goals, the six interconnected areas central to the development of emotionally, socially, and intellectually strong kids. This is a great book for educators as well as for parents.

Denise's Thoughts: I liked this book and found much of the information very valuable to parents of teens that want to get a handle of how school fits into their teen’s life and what they can do to help their teen achieve. I had a hard time with some of the examples, as I didn’t see how these teens in crisis fit with the overall theme of the book, which spoke to me as a preventative rather than a fix-it type of book.

Tips for Saving Money

School lunches are often thought of as a affordable meal for families to purchase, but that isn't necessarily so. High schools that offer nutritional items like a salad bar, do so at a price. Parents who need to offset that cost, even for just a few days a week, can by sending their teens in with leftovers from their family meals. But before this will happen, you need to do a bit of planning as your teen is not going to bring just any old leftovers to school.
When creating a dinner meal plan for the week, plan on a day or two of portable foods your teen finds 'yummy'. My daughter enjoys pasta salad. Therefore, I make one every other week as a side dish to a meal. She takes the salad leftovers to school for lunch and is very happy with the deal. A teen who brings one lunch from home a week can save you $90 to $120 a year!